“There’s sunshine and fresh air. Let’s play two.”

Ernie Banks played for the Chicago Cubs from 1953 to 1971. He was nicknamed “Mr. Cub” and “Mr. Sunshine.” He used the phrase above to remind himself and other players that whatever their complaints, they got to play a game for a living, and hear the cheers of strangers. It is a reminder to all of us to cherish life and the chance to have work that gives enjoyment to others.

As I see it, why not take a page from Mr. Banks’ life as a baseball player and start this column with: “Let’s play two! Let’s play two!” Ernie was referring to playing a doubleheader (two games in one day). But the subjects that follow aren’t baseball related … so please don’t stop now; but read on.

Game One is about “living alone.” Game Two is about the “trials, tribulations, and trauma” that most people will find themselves working through at some point in their lives.

During lunch the other day a friend said to me: “I am thinking about finding my own place and living alone. I wonder if I will feel comfortable in that situation. Do you know if there are any side effects living in those conditions?”

My answer came from some research about that very subject: YES! There are side effects.

• You run the risk of experiencing ‘extreme contentment’ – a direct result of inner and outer peace, uninterrupted happiness, and consistent mental AND emotional stability.
• The atmosphere in your home and your moods will consistently be all your own from day to day, and not influenced (a.k.a. messed up) by any other person.
• You’ll be able to go to bed and get up whenever YOU think it’s right for you (including taking a nap without interruption any time of the day).
• You can sleep with 1, 2, 3 or more pillows, ‘steal’ all the blankets and covers for yourself, and hog the entire bed, lying flat-out ‘star-fished’ at any given time.
• You can cook, eat, and drink whatever you want.
• You can watch, read, or listen to anything you like without ‘needing permission’ to do so, and/or face continually being questioned for doing such – (as if you need to actually ‘justify your decisions’ to any other person for their acceptance and approval).
• You can go out anywhere, for as short or as long as you like, or change your mind the minute you step outdoors and go right back inside.
• You can shop wherever and buy whatever you like – or not, etc. etc.

So… I would highly advise you to think VERY carefully before you continue down this “path less traveled” – there are consequences that some people never get to experience – (or perhaps are just too afraid to). Co-incidentally, some of those people will be the very ones who may speak out the loudest and most often AGAINST your choice of these “questionably hazardous living conditions.” That’s when you will know that you’re on the right path; that this is most likely the best thing to be doing for yourself; and can reassure yourself to stay on it. And also know, that many of those others would join or trade places with you, if only they had the opportunity, courage, and/or wherewithal to do so.

Oh, and welcome to ‘the club,’ (btw).

That takes care of “Game one” of our doubleheader. Game two starts below.

There are days when I have minor “trials and tribulations” to work through. This little poem I read recently will help explain one of them:

“It’s been that kind of day. Realized I had to use the bathroom. Got up and walked across the house to the pantry. Couldn’t remember why I was in the pantry. Remembered I had to use the bathroom. Walked back across the house to the bathroom. Sitting on the throne I remembered why I had walked to the pantry… Toilet paper.”

Now on to a more serious thing called “trauma,” which is defined as either physical or psychological (mental or emotional) stress. After World War I, soldiers were known to have problems with what was labeled “shell shock.” Then following the Viet Nam War, the term used was “PTSD” (post-traumatic stress disorder). Trauma was categorized two ways: one known as the “big T” for the major problems such as the death of someone you love, experiencing abuse, having a serious illness, a natural disaster like a tornado, or an extremely difficult relationship resulting in a breakup or divorce. The second one known as the “little t” for such things as loss of job, minor illness or injury, or financial worries. All are difficult and a disruption to daily life, challenging our ability to feel healthy and happy.

If you feel shocked, saddened, anxious, or otherwise overwhelmed by an occurrence like one of the above, you’re probably experiencing trauma. The trauma isn’t the event or experience itself but rather your body and mind’s response to it. Traumatic stress affects the brain, which makes it crucial to take steps toward recovery and mitigate its negative effects and impacts as much as possible.

Some pointers I found in my research on how to deal with trauma: Remember there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. Don’t ignore your feelings, it will only slow recovery. Avoid obsessively reliving the traumatic event. Reestablish routine in your life. Put major life decisions on hold. Get help from an accredited therapist.

I also found some quotes to understand things better and hopefully aid in the healing process.

“With trauma we may feel like we have failed because we have had a bad
day, a bad week, a bad month, or even a bad year. But you know what?
If you wake up in the morning, you haven’t failed. If you brush your teeth,
you haven’t failed.” – Roxane Gray

“Often what happened to us takes time to reveal itself. It then takes courage to confront it and peel back the layers of trauma in our lives. This is where healing begins. – Opray Winfrey

“One of the hardest things to learn is that we are worth recovery.” – Demi Lovato

“Healing is not a one-time event, but rather a journey. Healing from the
wounds of trauma, is a journey from helplessness (which is the essence of
trauma) to mastery. – Jasmin Lee Cori

“In searching for ways to heal, you will find that kindness is the best way.”
– Lady Gaga

“Someone who has experienced trauma also has gifts to offer all of us…
in their depth, their knowledge of universal vulnerability, and their
experience of the power of compassion. – Sharon Salzberg

That completes “Game two” of our doubleheader for today.

As I see it, before closing I should leave you with a follow-up to my poem above. Just wanted to let you know, being I live alone, I will now be storing a spare roll of toilet paper in the bathroom right next to the throne.

Have you ever had a time in your life that a special project or event pretty much consumed all of your time for days on end? Maybe planning for a wedding, a 50th wedding anniversary party, the first baby in the family, or maybe the 5-year Richland Homecoming celebration. And then it happened and is over, and with relief you sat back and were happy with the results of how things turned out. Now it was time to wonder, what now?

That is what I have been going through since recovering from a health issue (still getting better day by day); and also completing my book. I am very happy with the results of my six-months project of putting my book together to share the eleven years of writing my column for Neighbors Magazine. But now, what happens next? Where do I go from here?

As I see it, all the follow-up to my book project will still take some time. But how do I get back to what is for me a normal, routine, ordinary lifestyle? I started by trying to catch up on all the things that I had left undone around the house. But all that boring stuff made me more anxious rather than feeling more at peace with myself.

Then I sat down and picked up my new book. On the back cover it says, “Month by Month. Through the Years.” I paged through some of the articles I had written in the past about how to deal with “life.” I needed some guidance to get back on track…
I finally found the answers I was looking for.

As I see it, when in doubt about something, go back to what worked in the past. For me that was sitting down with a good novel and getting lost in the world of adventure waiting there. (I had been reading books over the winter that I received as Christmas gifts. But they were out of my usual genre. I missed reading stories of suspense, legal fiction, and mystery.) So, I went back to the library, and it was like coming home and embracing old friends; like David Baldacci, Sandra Brown, and John Grisham, to name a few. I sat down and became absorbed in John’s latest book… I was getting back on track…

Then even better, I received an email from an old friend. We met as 2nd graders in 1946; so I have known him for 78 years. We still see each other at our annual class reunion. Hearing from a friend always helps to get things back in focus. (We talk about each other as “the other Wayne.”) Here is his email:

   Wayne, I’ve begun reading your book and I’m enjoying it very much! Thanks for sending it to me.
   Although I’ve just started it, I see where we have more in common than just our first names.
   We have both had tremendous women in our lives. You, Elsie, your mom (one of the finest people I’ve ever known), and Gert.  My gifts have been Esther, my mom, and now my wife, Donna.
   Then there is our love of sports. We both consider ourselves fortunate to have grown up in a small town, and at a time when we could participate in football in the fall, basketball during the winter, baseball and track in the spring, plus golf and softball in the summer. Great fun!
   But when it comes to writing, you are light years ahead of me. You do a terrific job! Thanks for sharing your book with me! Wayne

As I see it, “who’d ever thunk it!” I never thought I would go back and read some of my own advise to help getting back to where I am today. Already from my latest research I have found some interesting stuff to write about and share with you. Plus, with baseball season starting, I have the Cardinals to cheer on again, so that helps me look forward to another World Series championship! Who is it who always says, “Life is like baseball”?