“There’s sunshine and fresh air. Let’s play two.”

Ernie Banks played for the Chicago Cubs from 1953 to 1971. He was nicknamed “Mr. Cub” and “Mr. Sunshine.” He used the phrase above to remind himself and other players that whatever their complaints, they got to play a game for a living, and hear the cheers of strangers. It is a reminder to all of us to cherish life and the chance to have work that gives enjoyment to others.

As I see it, why not take a page from Mr. Banks’ life as a baseball player and start this column with: “Let’s play two! Let’s play two!” Ernie was referring to playing a doubleheader (two games in one day). But the subjects that follow aren’t baseball related … so please don’t stop now; but read on.

Game One is about “living alone.” Game Two is about the “trials, tribulations, and trauma” that most people will find themselves working through at some point in their lives.

During lunch the other day a friend said to me: “I am thinking about finding my own place and living alone. I wonder if I will feel comfortable in that situation. Do you know if there are any side effects living in those conditions?”

My answer came from some research about that very subject: YES! There are side effects.

• You run the risk of experiencing ‘extreme contentment’ – a direct result of inner and outer peace, uninterrupted happiness, and consistent mental AND emotional stability.
• The atmosphere in your home and your moods will consistently be all your own from day to day, and not influenced (a.k.a. messed up) by any other person.
• You’ll be able to go to bed and get up whenever YOU think it’s right for you (including taking a nap without interruption any time of the day).
• You can sleep with 1, 2, 3 or more pillows, ‘steal’ all the blankets and covers for yourself, and hog the entire bed, lying flat-out ‘star-fished’ at any given time.
• You can cook, eat, and drink whatever you want.
• You can watch, read, or listen to anything you like without ‘needing permission’ to do so, and/or face continually being questioned for doing such – (as if you need to actually ‘justify your decisions’ to any other person for their acceptance and approval).
• You can go out anywhere, for as short or as long as you like, or change your mind the minute you step outdoors and go right back inside.
• You can shop wherever and buy whatever you like – or not, etc. etc.

So… I would highly advise you to think VERY carefully before you continue down this “path less traveled” – there are consequences that some people never get to experience – (or perhaps are just too afraid to). Co-incidentally, some of those people will be the very ones who may speak out the loudest and most often AGAINST your choice of these “questionably hazardous living conditions.” That’s when you will know that you’re on the right path; that this is most likely the best thing to be doing for yourself; and can reassure yourself to stay on it. And also know, that many of those others would join or trade places with you, if only they had the opportunity, courage, and/or wherewithal to do so.

Oh, and welcome to ‘the club,’ (btw).

That takes care of “Game one” of our doubleheader. Game two starts below.

There are days when I have minor “trials and tribulations” to work through. This little poem I read recently will help explain one of them:

“It’s been that kind of day. Realized I had to use the bathroom. Got up and walked across the house to the pantry. Couldn’t remember why I was in the pantry. Remembered I had to use the bathroom. Walked back across the house to the bathroom. Sitting on the throne I remembered why I had walked to the pantry… Toilet paper.”

Now on to a more serious thing called “trauma,” which is defined as either physical or psychological (mental or emotional) stress. After World War I, soldiers were known to have problems with what was labeled “shell shock.” Then following the Viet Nam War, the term used was “PTSD” (post-traumatic stress disorder). Trauma was categorized two ways: one known as the “big T” for the major problems such as the death of someone you love, experiencing abuse, having a serious illness, a natural disaster like a tornado, or an extremely difficult relationship resulting in a breakup or divorce. The second one known as the “little t” for such things as loss of job, minor illness or injury, or financial worries. All are difficult and a disruption to daily life, challenging our ability to feel healthy and happy.

If you feel shocked, saddened, anxious, or otherwise overwhelmed by an occurrence like one of the above, you’re probably experiencing trauma. The trauma isn’t the event or experience itself but rather your body and mind’s response to it. Traumatic stress affects the brain, which makes it crucial to take steps toward recovery and mitigate its negative effects and impacts as much as possible.

Some pointers I found in my research on how to deal with trauma: Remember there is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. Don’t ignore your feelings, it will only slow recovery. Avoid obsessively reliving the traumatic event. Reestablish routine in your life. Put major life decisions on hold. Get help from an accredited therapist.

I also found some quotes to understand things better and hopefully aid in the healing process.

“With trauma we may feel like we have failed because we have had a bad
day, a bad week, a bad month, or even a bad year. But you know what?
If you wake up in the morning, you haven’t failed. If you brush your teeth,
you haven’t failed.” – Roxane Gray

“Often what happened to us takes time to reveal itself. It then takes courage to confront it and peel back the layers of trauma in our lives. This is where healing begins. – Opray Winfrey

“One of the hardest things to learn is that we are worth recovery.” – Demi Lovato

“Healing is not a one-time event, but rather a journey. Healing from the
wounds of trauma, is a journey from helplessness (which is the essence of
trauma) to mastery. – Jasmin Lee Cori

“In searching for ways to heal, you will find that kindness is the best way.”
– Lady Gaga

“Someone who has experienced trauma also has gifts to offer all of us…
in their depth, their knowledge of universal vulnerability, and their
experience of the power of compassion. – Sharon Salzberg

That completes “Game two” of our doubleheader for today.

As I see it, before closing I should leave you with a follow-up to my poem above. Just wanted to let you know, being I live alone, I will now be storing a spare roll of toilet paper in the bathroom right next to the throne.